i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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