Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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