I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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