Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize