This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
