DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
