didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
