Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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