I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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