oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
