You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
