in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
