I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
