you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
