that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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