I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
