This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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