i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize