I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
