My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
