If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
