Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize