The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
