I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
