The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
