My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
