dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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