That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
