Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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