You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
