Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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