It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
