Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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