Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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