I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
