I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
