every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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