I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
