she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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