Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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