we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
