Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
