So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
ok first of all what the fuck
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
