somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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