I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm getting married
To pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
