Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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