Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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