I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
