those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
