What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
