I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize