Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
