super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
