News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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