Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
