Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
