I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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