wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize