So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
