On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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