were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
