Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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