it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
