guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
