Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
