True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
