Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
