I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
