i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
soo... how was my night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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