Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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